You Should Not Own This Dog!

The following is something you should seriously think about before getting a dog of any breed. This “tongue-in-cheek” post appears in the PEOPLE Column, because it is more about the new dog owner than about the dog.

1 – You like everything to be right where you put it!
If your “retriever dog” likes to trot through your great room when you have company, with your panties in her mouth that you left on the bathroom floor! Then you should try to find a breed that does not take pride in, “Look, what I just found!”.

2 – You do not get your “kicks” from jogging in the park, or a work-out in the gym twice a week, but rather from joyfully keeping your house squeaky-clean.

You just can’t take it any longer—the muddy paw-prints on the kitchen floor, evidence of his nose on all the windows, including the car windows and “you should have seen the handful of dog hair I removed from my robot carpet-cleaner last Friday . . .” If you can’t, relax and enjoy your time with your dog, you both will wind up enjoying being miserable.

3 – You love your new Lazy Boy chair.
However, your dog loves to romp through the field next door chasing rabbits—he seems to need daily exercise. But your longest walk yesterday was from your chair to the kitchen to heat your coffee and back. Don’t plan to get an outdoor sporting dog.

4 – You lack a sense of humor.
Some dogs are mischievously funny and would think it great fun to wake you up before the alarm sounds in the morning, to play “fetch” with you while you are still asleep in your bed. Perhaps an older dog would be a better choice.

5 – You are looking for a 24 hour, outside dog.
Most dogs are affectionate and want to be with you as much as possible. If you want your dog chained or fenced-in the back yard 24/7, he will be very unhappy. It is called “separation anxiety.” Don’t go there! Your neighbors will and should, report you to the Animal Rescue League. All dogs desire and need your love, care and companionship.

6 – You have been thinking that the most economical and easiest place to get a dog is from a local pet store.

Don’t do it! Almost all dog breeds have a list of potential health problems. For example—Dachshunds are affected by Intervertebral Disk Disease, Acanthosis Nigricans, Hypothyroidism and Epilepsy. Finding a reputable breeder, with a good history of their parent dogs is very important. We have had 11 Doxies over the years and only one had IVD. All the others were healthy.

7 – You are uncomfortable meeting strangers.
It is impossible to walk down the street with a cute little Dachshund, or a beautiful, friendly Golden Retriever without meeting strangers. My wife is always attracted to dogs on freeway rest areas. If this is bothersome to you, then something like a guard dog or a cat might be a better choice.

8 – You see a tiny, furry, cute little puppy and imagine that he will stay that size.
You might be surprised on his first birthday to find him weighing in at 100 pounds or more. That’s a lot of dog to feed, sleep in your bed, or cuddle on your lap. You might want to check out the smaller breeds, some without long tails to slap your legs as they pass by.

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